You make me who you are

Me and my sister were more than elated when the doctor told us that it was a girl….

When I held her in my arms for the first time, I was scared. This little beauty, so fragile, so light, so small. How will I ever be able to take care of her? Will I be able to take care of her? I was scared that I would hurt her. I knew nothing about her needs. I was so naïve. I didn’t know how to feed her, how to bathe her, how to make her stop crying. All I knew was that I had to keep her safe.

Everything she did confused me. She would stop crying only when she got to sleep on me, nibbling on to my T-shirt. I still remember the drool, the closed tiny eyes and that heartbeat. Oh! That heartbeat. Before I knew it, I was crying like an idiot as I felt that little heartbeat. I was so moved, so happy. Little had I known that I was in this forever, but certainly I sensed that this was the most precious gift from God.

She changed me. It is because of her that I feel like a more responsible person, a more mature individual. My little girl changed not just my lifestyle and my attitude but also my behaviour, my personality, the way I look at life, the way I look at others. She made me take care of myself, my health because I knew I had to be fine for her. I had to be safe to be able to protect her. I had to be strong to make sure nothing ever harms her. For the first time, I was truly selfless and I felt so complete. I felt I didn’t need anybody else if I had her. Whoever was leaving, I let them go and the pain of losing people started to diminish because of her love.

Today, after three years, it’s still the same. But there are odd exceptions in our case. Like, instead of me singing her a lullaby, she purrs me to sleep. Instead of me telling her what to do, she has trained me to do what she wants. Instead of me saving her, she has saved me from a lot. This is probably the strangest relationship that I have ever known. The dearest relationship nevertheless.

She makes me who she is. No matter which part of the house I’m in, whatever I am doing, she hangs around. When I play with her, I feel alive. When we wrestle, I feel like a feline. We even communicate in a language most humans won’t understand. I call it “Felinese”. I think like her, eat like her. Strange enough, our preferences match too and so do our personalities. Sometimes I even find myself wondering if I am a cat because I feel more comfortable with them than with humans. If it hadn’t been for her, I wouldn’t have realized this either. May be this sounds crazy but it’s been long since I left bothering about who thinks what about us. We are happy in our world that is less understood by humans. It is good, in a way because sometimes, understanding too much can create problems.

My daughter, you make me who you are. You make me feel things I never felt before. And of course, you make me behave better with humans!

Rehanna turns three today and I wanted to share all this with everyone.

Happy birthday little girl. Mama loves you way too much.