I have never been a person to rely too much on medication. So, when the sudden surge in the city’s pollution triggered my old allergy symptoms, I thought to wait it out. Bad decision! It was no easy job to deal with the growing levels of dust settling around me, in the air, on my sheets, the walls, the floors… It was as if everything came alive to haunt me, using my weakness against me. No matter what precautions I took, I continued to suffer.
I was repeatedly advised by friends to take anti-allergy tablets. I didn’t want to for I knew the long term harm I would put myself at by depending on anything but the body’s natural ability to battle. Call it a deeply embedded mania in my psyche or lack of faith in concentrated chemicals of any kind, I knew I wouldn’t go that way. And then, it clicked. If I didn’t want to attack the bad within me, what choice did I have to change the suffering it caused?
There are always two ways of seeing a thing in general. The obvious and the deep. Either you change yourself or you change what is around you. Either you kill the monsters within or become one. I chose the latter, like always. Not running away but just looking after myself. Perhaps, that led to a greater good when I stopped visiting people whose cleaning standards did not meet my needs. I had to be drastic. If washing the entire house every day is the only way to keep the allergy at bay, I would do it. And those who can’t, I will have to create a little distance or compel them to entertain me.
Just a random thought that struck me out of the blue. Not that I did what I did on purpose. It was only a way of adding a slightly sinister feel to life’s most basic problems or solutions, the way you would want to see it. And like always, I wanted to capture the thought, the very dark idea before it disappeared or before the judgmental part in me woke up demanding to brush the “rubbish” under the carpet. So, I rushed and captured it here where it shall be and I, free.
Comments
Post a Comment